Today’s Hipster Beating

I was sitting on my stoop  and this dumb White kid around 20 hits the handle bar thingy on his bike and gets off.  He starts fiddling with his shitty rectangle black phone, and out of nowhere these seven kids tell him to give him his bike which I don’t even think it’s  that nice of a bike.  This all started and I was watching him get jumped and beaten and blood was start to come out over his eyes and goddamn it looked like a staple gun or something jutting into his face and the blood pattern on the ground was opening up like when you puke and it just splatters almost faster than real time, like an old movie.   I knew these kids, these are not the kids you want to mess with.  So I just sat there.   I mean I was half-stunned, half-fascinated.  It’s the young ones who will risk it all and do that.  And so they beat him up, and after a while I went inside.  After a while you kind of snap out of that dream – is it shock or bliss when you watch someone besides yourself get the shit kicked out of him.  I went inside my home and I thought for a second and then I called the police.  I’ll be anonymous and no one will find out.  When the cops showed up I didn’t feel too bad about myself finally. Just because the kid was a White dumbass and really dumb looking and full of it for resisting them at first doesn’t mean it’s his day to get his head bashed in to death.

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6 Responses to Today’s Hipster Beating

  1. deez says:

    i appreciate the site and what your doing…but this beating is boring… at least do a guido beating or maybe do the hipster beating from the perspective of the person that getting beat up…
    like – today, as i was drinking my soi chai late and reading the latest issue of the Mc sweenys I saw a smelly construction worker spit at my shoes, so i made a snide remark and…..
    you get the point..that would be fun…just an idea…
    love the site…and the other site…thanks diehipster…lets meet for some overpriced microbrews at an overpriced restaurant…

  2. The King of Never Lose says:

    Once again, think more cartoon style violence and less American History X.

  3. Next hipster beating is going to be a crowd-pleaser. I enjoyed writing it – brought me back to my high school short creative writing exercises. Also fan hipster-beatings will be great too. So if you want to submit some. Don’t know about Guido beatings. I think Italian-Americans have been getting pooped on for a long time.

  4. deez says:

    I didn’t mean Italian necessarily…

    guido definition – A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely

    and by hipster I don’t mean waspy or jewey skinny wimps…but most likely

    every race has been “pooped on” and to me that sounds racist by trying not to be racist…lol

    keep up the good work…

    • “rascist by not trying to be rascist!” I love that. So doublethink-ish! Guido’s in my mind are always going to be associated with Italian American guys with too much gel in their hair. Too sensitive for me, but hey that’s me. Some people might enjoy the jab. Anyway one stops offending and you just can’t be funny so I totally agree on that point. Somebody needs to be made fun of.

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